Friday, December 17, 2010

Couldn't be better, why do you ask?

Nothing strikes terror into a persons heart more than someone walking up to you and saying, "Do you feel alright?"
Up until that moment I was feeling fine. I had gotten up early. I knocked out four pages that I felt were adequate and was considering asking my wife out to breakfast when that girl, with fourteen visible piercings, moved me one step closer to deaths door.
Having no bases to compare with what I look like normally how could she possibly know if this was a good day or not.
I signed the credit card slip and headed to the mens room hoping the mirror would give a fair appraisal of the possibility I might not make it back to my car.
It turned out the mirror was cracked and so dirty Matt Damon would have looked bad in it. I left the restroom still in doubt of my chance at longevity and decided if my demise was eminent I would go out with Butterfinger Bar crumbs on my shirt. I approached Miss Holes in the head's counter and realized her eyes were focused below my belt line. it wasn't until I got into the car I realized my fly was open. I have to find a different gas station before the needle hits "E:.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

How Can That Be?

A friend of mine asked me why I never answer his messages on Face-book. I informed him that I had never seen them. He suggest I try a new eyeglass perscripition.
I explained that I was fairly sure that that my glasses were a gift from S. King and were already over the legal weight limit but assured him I would look for his attempts at humor as soon as I got home.
Through no skill on my part I accidently landed on a Face book account with my name and likeness on it that I never knew existed.
Anyone who knows me should have guessed I had nothing to do with the publication, with the spelling correct and the puctuation impecable it obviously had no connection with me at all.
The question does remain who would bother to build a site with my name on it? An even scarier thought is there might be another me out there in the ether. Boogles the mind , doesn't it.

That's it, don't smoke even if you got'm.
That's all.